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About Literature / Hobbyist AndrewMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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Change is Just Around the Corner :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 2 0 River of Clouds :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 2 0 Lake Tahoe :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 1 0 Bridge Over the Olentangy :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 3 0 A Winter's Respite :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 5 0 Autumnal Paradise :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 3 0 Orton Hall :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 3 2 Funky Monkey :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 0 0 Happy Moments :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 1 0 The Menai Bridge :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 1 0 Hope Shines Through :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 0 0 At the Concert :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 0 1 G'Day Hombre :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 1 2 Taiko Drummers :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 0 0 Punjab dancing :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 0 0 A scene from another time :icontuxmaska:tuxmaska 0 2

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"We live our lives to expect the worst/And once it happens, what is left?  We will never have to be surprised again."  --- The Ataris, My Hotel Year

I realized that it's been over 4 months since I last posted anything here.  In that time, I've started volunteering, going to meetups, made new friends, met lots of girls, been rejected, been through a breakup, been through counseling, and above all...I survived.  At this point, unlike any other point in my life, I feel like I'm beginning to conquer the demons of the past.  Insecurity.  Inadequacy.  Fear.  Neediness.  The downside of extroversion, especially to the degree that I have it.

Today, I took one of the biggest steps I ever have in fixing that.  I made up with a friend.  Someone I've known for a long time.  Someone that I allowed my anger to get the better of me...and almost lost forever.  But I'm not content to just up and leave.  I'm not content to allow my pride to stonewall something that once was good.  

So I apologized.  With full disclosure, honesty, and without expectations.

It's going to be a long journey from here...but with this, it feels like life is back on the upswing.  That life is beginning to turn around.  That the divorce is no longer this crippling poisonous cloud over my head.  Truth is, I already did a lot of the work, prior to getting to this point.  I've become more secure in my attachments. Become almost CONTENT with being single (a feat in and of itself).  Do I still want someone in my life?  Absolutely!  But I won't look back anymore.  It's hard sometimes.  In all the countless relationships I've attempted, and the seven that I've had, I had exactly ONE that was happy.  And, even though she's gone, and she left without a warning, and it hurts sometimes...it shows me that I can find a happy relationship.  With someone like me who likes me.  It may have been too much for Jenny to handle.  And, even though I don't love her anymore, it makes me happy that that relationship happened.  I learned a lot from going through it, and quite frankly, it kept me sane during the period of my greatest loneliness and isolation.  Six months ago, when she left, I don't think I could have been happy that it happened...only sad that it was gone.  But I've been learning the magic of time.  Time, plus effort, will create extraordinary healing, if that's your intention.  And I want to be happy.  And one day in love.  But in the meantime, I have an amazing life, filled with adventures.  Friends.  So many activities I have to force myself to take time to relax.  And a purpose.  In the past year and a half, I've survived the utter depths of hell.  A divorce, followed by the loss of what I thought was true love. Problems at work. Financial trouble.  Lost friendships and connections. You name it.  But I've been there, done that, survived...and I'm happy.  Happier than I've ever been, in my entire life.  

Much love to everyone who reads this.  Seriously.  I don't talk to a lot of you guys all that much, but you mean a lot to me.

Comments


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:iconpajunen:
Pajunen Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Happy Birthday!:cake:
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:icontuxmaska:
tuxmaska Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
That ks
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:iconiamlolol:
iamlolol Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey man. Hey i know you're kinda goin through some crap right now so I thought this might cheer ya up a bit
m.youtube.com/watch?v=E9L-0x92…

Not my kind of music in the slightest but i thought you might like it.
Reply
:iconpajunen:
Pajunen Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the :+fav:
Happy New Year 2015!
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:iconfrustrated-divale:
frustrated-divale Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fav! ^-^
Reply
:iconpajunen:
Pajunen Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the faves and watch!
Reply
:icontuxmaska:
tuxmaska Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!  I love your pictures from all over the world - I've been to Norway, London, and Tokyo, the subject of at least some of your photos.  The way you capture light is just brilliance.
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:iconpajunen:
Pajunen Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
My pleasure. Thanks!
Reply
:iconchaos-neverthrive:
chaos-neverthrive Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
hmm, that link didn't work so here's another. fav.me/d7etxgz
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:icontuxmaska:
tuxmaska Featured By Owner May 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awesome! Just how I imagined it
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